I am completely breaking. It's really hard to take anymore. 

I haven't said much in a while, life has been really busy. I stopped all my medication because everyone in my life agreed that it was only making things worse for me.. and that was defiitely a good choice on my part. But now i'm just back to the depression aspect. Im just sad and overwhelmed and I can't seem to keep the darkess away from me. I feel like I aged backwards about 15 years because when I have to leave my house to go to work or something, I cry. I cry a lot. I can't stand being around other people because the pressure to fake it is way too strong. 

I'm really not okay anymore and I can't figure out how to be. I just know that I don't want to be here anymore. I want to get in my car and drive far away from everything and everyone. Or more prefferably I just don't want to wake up.

Sometimes I consider going back to the mental health center but that place was so awful that it isn't even worth it. I have to find some other way to keep myself protected.... from myself. 

I just can hardly take it anymore. :( 

I keep waiting for things to get better and they just wont.