Paranoia

Let's see. Paranoia. What is it? Well, for me, it's pretty much my name. I mean honestly, I am constantly paranoid about everything under the sun. I mean, is there something else wrong with me? Is paranoia like, an illness or something? 

i'm really just ranting here but I don't understand why i'm so paranoid or how to make it stop. For one, i'm constantly assuming the worst possible situations. Like, if i get in a fight with my roommate (which happened) I suddenly assume she hates me or doesn't want to be my friend anymore or she is going to move out because she can't stand me. When she's also my best friend, so logically it doesn't make much sense and I figure i'd have to do a lot worse than bicker with her for that to happen. But it eats me alive until I break down into tears that I can't control (which also happened.) 

Or if I hear people talking, I will instantly assume it's about me and even go as far as to imagine what they could possibly be saying..usually it's me listing things I hate about myself and assuming they notice them and hate them too. 

The paranoia..it consumes me. There's always something. I constantly question people's motives and I believe that everyone is bad or has a hidden agenda in some way. And it makes me pretty socially inept which is why I can't have more than one friend. If I go out into a social environment I kind of want to cut my head off. I don't know. 

It's just so annoying to deal with. I feel like i'm constantly worrying about bad things happening and it's getting to the point where it starts to get in the way of my life. 

Bleh. That's all.