So, It's been a little bit since i've written anything but I guess i've just been pretty busy lately.

let's see what's new. 
I'm getting my wisdom teeth surgically removed this thursday so that is going to be a good time. I'm going to a friend of a friend's birthday party thing tomorrow which is a pretty big deal for me because anyone who knows me, knows that there is nothing that I hate more than being surrounded by people I don't know. It makes me really anxious and uncomfortable which is why I have like two friends and am very much a home body. 

anyway, this week I had the brilliant idea to stop taking my medication. I felt like it was only making things worse and I didn't like how tired and forgetful it made me feel all the time. I thought that maybe there was some way I could just work through it without the medication.

I was wrong.

Two days of not taking my medication sent me into an absolute freak out episode where I was uncontrollably angry and crying. It was so strange. I had absolutely no control over my behavior and I couldn't understand what was happening. I didn't know why I was angry.. or why I was crying. I mean, I knew I was crying because I couldn't understand why I was violently pissed off.. but even after I stopped being angry, I couldn't seem to calm back down. I think maybe I was crying out of fear at that point. The fear that I was going back to the way things were before the medication. 

I found out that what I was dealing with was all withdrawal symptoms from not taking my medication, but it still was absolutely terrifying to think that I was slipping back into the darkness that had consumed so many years of my life. 

Needless to say, I'm back on the medication and I'm still pretty infuriated that I can't just be a normal person without medication. Sometimes I try to tell myself that i'm just like everyone else with just a little bit of a different situation, but after a while it gets really difficult to believe that.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say today. Hopefully it'll get better :)