Today.

So, this is only going to be about today. Probably going to be a short post, but I just want to get out how I'm feeling today.

Today I feel kind of sad .. well, disappointed I suppose. I guess you get to a point where you start to wonder why you can't just be normal without having to be on medications. And you wonder if the side effects really outweigh the benefits.
One thing I can say is that living with untreated Bipolar Disorder is extremely difficult.. but the side effects of the medication start to really wear on you. 

For one, my medication makes me extremely sick every night. And it's extremely sedating so I wake up every morning feeling like I have a nyquil hangover and it lasts all day. It absolutely destroys my short term memory so I can feel people at work getting angry at my forgetfulness.. but I don't feel okay telling them all why I am the way I am. 

So I guess that I just want to be like everyone else without being on the risky medications and without the horrible side effects.

I'm trying to stay positive, but I just wonder when it will get better?